Finding Peace 35 feet off the Ground

Tuesday Spencer and I had the awesome opportunity to go to ropes course together as part of our Power 90, which is a 90 day system Spencer and I are doing.  There were many things about it that were simply amazing!  I feel stretched, but in a way that is good and fulfilling and will lead me closer to the things I want.  Sadly, I have no pictures as no one in our group brought a camera.  Thus, I will attempt to describe the experience in such a way that makes having pictures, or the lack thereof, irrelevant   

In preparation for ropes course we were asked to find our greatest limiting belief.  I went not knowing exactly what my greatest limiting belief was.    However, when we set our intentions, at the very beginning I knew that I wanted to find a way to make the peace and joy I feel at times my norm, and I wanted to find a way to not fall back into my individual pits of despair.  I also went bound and determined not to do the trust fall, as I knew we were doing one, and I did not want to do it.  That's the preliminaries and from their the day began.

The first exercise we did was called "traffic jam" and in this activity we learned that there are three steps to solving a problem, namely: trial and error, finding patterns, and creating efficiency.  It was meaningful to me because I usually start out expecting myself to be at the third stage of doing everything efficiently, which is more frustrating than effective.  Our next exercise was about guaranteeing our results.  It was awesome to see our group come together and really work towards what seemed an impossible obstacle.  After that we did a trust lift (which was done in silence) and then a trust fall.  As mentioned before, I came to ropes course fully intending on not doing this activity, as I have seen too many people be dropped and I had no wish to be one of them (and let’s be honest I just have a hard time trusting people).  Despite this,  I didn’t even protest when my turn came to do my trust fall.  I climbed to the top of the pole.  I stood there for a while, conversing with my inner guru who said "You can do this."  Jamie, our facilitator, said, “Mailee, it’s time. You can do this.”  Then I fell backwards, and they caught me.  Spencer gave me a great big kiss of which everyone was quite envious ( and to which Spencer would like me to note that he had "deviously" positioned himself in order to do so) and I just laid there knowing I had just taken a huge step towards trusting people more fully and more openly.  It felt like freedom and relief, all at the same time.  Following that we got to state what our next big step to our goal was (on a giant swing).  

Lunch came at this point which broke very calmly into the jam packed action of the rest of the day.  It was a great time for reflection, rest, and getting to know the other’s in the group better.  Lunch is over back to ropes course.  

After lunch we climbed the wall, which was frightening and awesome, all at the same time.  My only note on this even is that it is amazing what our self talk does for us physically as well as psychologically.  I was a support person on top of the wall, and it was really interesting to see people as we were taking them over the wall.  They would be making progress and getting up, then they would say “I can’t” and following such a statement they couldn’t. The energy just faded and their muscles no longer had the strength.  However, our last man to go over had given about all he had at that point, and he was running on nothing.  No one was boosting him.  His only support was Spencer and I sitting on top of the wall trying to help him pull himself over.  And then when he thought he couldn’t do it he said “I can do this”  and from somewhere deep within he found the strength to get over and it was remarkable to see the difference that that self talk made both for good and bad.  

The most meaningful part of the day (for me) came next.  Thus, I am dedicating a whole paragraph to it.  I believe this activity is typically referred to as a "leap of faith," but I’d rather use the phrase coined by one of my favorite Wamplers “Jump off the freaking pole.”  Probably because the whole idea is to climb to the top of something roughly the size of a power pole and jump off towards a trapeze. This was a really remarkable experience for me, as I climbed up this pole with nothing but a harness.  I was the last to go and I was a bit unsure about the whole thing, but determined to give it my all.  The climb was not terribly difficult, but at the end of the climb I got to pull myself onto a small wooden platform (about the size of kitchen tile) and after pulling myself onto it I was supposed to stand up.  My momentum had been carrying me up there, but as I knelt on the platform I realized in order to stand I had to look straight at the ground which didn't really leave any doubt about how high up I was.  As I looked down I felt a panic rise  in my chest and a voice in my head started shouting “Can I really do this.”  I collected myself and stood.  The pole was shaking, due to the fact that I was shaking.  Standing alone on a small platform connected to a telephone pole 35-40 feet off the ground, I was very afraid.  Then from below I heard my facilitator say, as he had said for no one else, “Mailee, I want you to balance and have the pole stop shaking.”  I attempted to stand straighter, but the rope was pulling me.  I asked if they could loosen the rope at all because it was pulling me.  They told me I would have to shuffle forward as I was at the back of the tile sized platform.  I was terrified, but I obediently shuffled forward and then I attempted to balance and stop shaking.   Below Jamie, my facilitator, said “find your peace.”  I breathed in deeply and cleared my mind, and an amazing thing happened.  There, atop a power pole standing on a tiny platform with only enough room for my feet, I found complete and utter peace.  The pole beneath me stopped trembling, becoming utterly still.  From below, Jamie asked “What are you jumping for?” as our jump was a representation of what we were willing to risk and work for in our lives.  I replied that I was jumping “for consistent peace and happiness in my life”.  He then asked what I was giving up to get it, to which I replied “FEAR.”  Then from below I heard him say “Jump and grab that trapeze (which was very far away and was the physical embodiment of my purpose).  At that moment I knew I wanted it, and because I wanted it I moved forward to the very edge of the platform with no fear.  I jumped, reaching for that trapeze with all my might.  I didn’t catch it physically; however, as it was just a physical manifestation of my desire, I did catch it mentally.  Mentally, I grabbed that trapeze and did a set of chin-ups followed by a very artistic jumping dismount.  The person who came off that pole was not exactly the same person that climbed it to begin with.  After jumping for what I wanted and leaving my fear behind I became someone who would no longer let fear dictate my choices or my state of peace and happiness.   It was truly powerful!  Although the most powerful part came the next day as I spent the entire day in a state of complete and utter peace.  In that state I accomplished more, felt more gratitude, and got to experience a deeper love and appreciation than I had before felt for my sweet little James.  I learned on top of that power pole that if I could find peace there I could find it anywhere I wanted, anytime I wanted it.  

I loved ropes course, and I loved that I got to share it with the love of my life, Spencer.   

Three Wonderful Years

This week Spencer and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary!  It was wonderful, but very different than how we are used to celebrating.  Having a baby now makes more than a day away a bit difficult, but we found a babysitter and enjoyed a day together at home...mostly.  We got and had breakfast, took James to the babysitter.  We then went rock climbing where Spencer climbed his first ever 5.10a wall (for those of you non-rock climbing nuts it's a really difficult climb).  I did not climb my wall, but I attempted three times and on the third time I made it past the part where I had been getting stuck.  My arms where shaking so badly at that point, however, that I decided to call it a day in the rock climbing department.  We dropped by the babysitters so I could feed James.  Then we came home and ate some Papa Murphy's take and bake pizza (it was delicious).  For the rest of the day we played games and just enjoyed each others company (and some tasty treats like ice cream!).  It was super chill, super relaxing, and super fun, basically our day was kind of a reflection of our marriage, chill, relaxing, fun, and full of love.

 Strange to say, as we've only been married for three years, it is really hard for me to remember what it was like not to have my best friend and eternal companion in my life.  It feels as though we've always been together, and always will be.  Maybe it has something to do with the nature of eternal marriage that once you are sealed your marriage spreads forwards and backwards to fill all eternity.  Whether or not that's how it actually works that's how it feels.  I love my eternal companion!  I love my Spencer!  Happy Anniversary to us!


I am so excited for all the years to come that will continue as they started, with us walking hand in hand to confront whatever it is this life has to offer us together.  

Scout Widowhood

I am happy to announce that I am no longer a widow.  "Wow," you may think, "I didn't know you ever where a widow."  But to all those thinking that I will reveal to you that I was, in fact, a widow for exactly one week due to the wonderful and worthwhile departure of my husband to scout camp (wonderful at least for his scouts).  At the beginning of my week I had absolutely no plans and thought that it would be a nice quiet week in which I could accomplish a lot of projects.  However, God knows what we need better than we do, and in his tender mercy he filled every minute of almost every one of my days with some activity or another.  It made my scout widow experience bearable.

The most difficult part about my week while Spencer was away was sleeping.  There were a couple of factors that aided in making it difficult to sleep. 1)Now that fireworks are legal in Utah people feel the need to set them off weeks in advance of Holidays and this was the week before the fourth of July; when one's nerves are already a bit on edge random booming noises going off at unexpected times don't typically help. 2) We have no AC or Swamp cooler so in order to cool our house down from the blistering hot 88-89 it typically gets up to during the day we open all the windows at night.  That really is two things that make it difficult to sleep the heat, heaT, heAT, hEAT, HEAT, and the fact that all my windows were open to anyone who wanted to pop out the screen.  3) Spencer wasn't there providing protection comfort and support.  So, with all those natural sleep inhabitants most days during this week I stayed up till four in the morning and was woken up by my son at 6:30.

I could write much more about the week, but suffice it to say it was busy, it was sleep deprived, it was exhausting, it is over.  I am so glad my sweet wonderful husband is home!  Hopefully I will have forgotten enough about how much I missed him to support him in his calling and let him go again next year.  

PSA ~ perfection addendum

My dear Blog followers,

This is a public service announcement from your loving and devoted Grand High Chief Enforcer to the Great Dictator of all that is Familia (aka Mailee).  Greetings and otherwise salutations to all the minions, wayfarers and far-travelers of our beautiful Familial Realms.  It has been a long time since I have sent my greetings and encouragement to you via this means, and as such I deem it necessary to do so.   The Great Dictator of all that is Familia has recently told you of the perfection that she has achieved and I am here to add to that statement.  She has neglected to tell you that she is perfect in her role as The Great Dictator of All, and that although for such a great being such works as she has shown in this artistic medium may seem humble, they are but a shadow of the awe inspiring things to come.  Please remain attentive in your labors, and active in your pursuits of the ultimate goal we hold common.

With firm affection,

Your Grand High Chief Enforcer and Regent of the Familial realms,
Sir Spencer formerly of Scary


For those of you who don't know my husband very well, and don't feel like attempting to decipher old English phraseology, that was his way of saying he loves me and thinks I'm wonderful and that he wanted to inform you that there are many more great posts/pictures etc. to follow in this The Pyper Familia Blog.

Perfection

There are many perfect things in this world.  One of them is my new title, complete with pictures.  Now the reason that I know that it is perfect is because my perfectionist self has been working on the exact placement/color for the past hour, and while most people could have called it quits and been satisfied with something different I could not.  So, dear followers, I hope you enjoy my perfectly awesome new title.  Laura Wampler showed me how to get pictures into the title spot and I am so glad she did.  Yay for perfection in blog titles!  Now it goes without saying (although I just went and said it) that there will come a point when I will no longer think my title is perfect, and when that point comes I will change it.  But for now I am glorying in the perfection of my humble creation.

James

My son is probably the best and cutest baby boy ever to roam the earth (and if that sounded like a reference to the dinosaurs, it was).

James loves to smile.  He glances up at you and gives the most adorable grin ever at least 10 dozen times a day.  One of the most meaningful times I had as a mother was when James had terrible croupe and bronchiolitis and simply could not breathe (basically he was so sick it was heartbreaking), but despite how sick he was and how terrible he must have felt whenever I would come to his crib in the middle of the night to check on him (which was often) he would look up at me and give me that adorable smile.  Those were some of the moments when I caught a glimpse at the strength and valiance of the spirit that dwells in the body of my little boy.  He really is one of the most happy, easy going children I have ever seen.

One of James's largest interests currently is food.  James WANTS FOOD!  We have been feeding him solids for over a month and a half now and he loves his eating time.  When he stole a pickle seed (and enjoyed eating it) at 4 and half months we decided it was time for some food for the child.  He still tries to steal food whenever anyone is eating and he's been known to throw himself towards whoever happens to have food at any given moment, but he is mostly content with his humble fare of baby food, though he will be happy when he can eat what everyone else is eating...which, sad to say will be a while.

James makes life fun.  He wants to move so badly and is getting really close to being able to do so.  Once he learns how, Watch out World, nothing will be safe from inspection and or being chewed upon/eaten.

Motherhood: Re-learning to be Passionate

I am passionate about being a mother.  I always have been, and it has always been something I wanted to do.  Despite this, in my few months of motherhood I was having a seriously difficult time.  The reason for this is that I felt like despite how much I wanted to be a mother when the opportunity finally came I felt inadequate, and that, all in all, I was not cut out for motherhood.  I hid my insecurity as best I could and moved on with life, but it was constantly gnawing at me.  Then I attended a seminar called: The Power of Choice in which I learned how to replace those feelings of inadequacy with the feelings of being powerful.  I also learned how to reignite the fiery passion I have for being a stay at home mom!  It has been wonderful!  The dishes often aren't done, the floor often isn't clean, and James does cry on occasion.  However, I no longer feel that these things are a reflection of my inadequacy, rather that they are a manifestation of my choice to take care of and play with my son, as well as taking care of myself instead of having the picture perfect house.  It is truly liberating.  I love being a passionate mother!

As I was re-reading this post I realized there were some serious grammatical errors (which I have since corrected).  That's what comes of being a passionate mother.  It is really easy to loose your train of thought, and your well constructed sentence, when peeking around your computer every other word to play peek-a-boo with your baby...