In preparation for ropes course we were asked to find our greatest limiting belief. I went not knowing exactly what my greatest limiting belief was. However, when we set our intentions, at the
very beginning I knew that I wanted to find a way to make the peace and joy I
feel at times my norm, and I wanted to find a way to not fall back into my
individual pits of despair. I also went bound and determined not to do the trust fall, as I knew we were doing one, and I did not want to do it. That's the preliminaries and from their the day began.
The first
exercise we did was called "traffic jam" and in this activity we learned that there
are three steps to solving a problem, namely: trial and error, finding patterns, and
creating efficiency. It was meaningful
to me because I usually start out expecting myself to be at the third stage of
doing everything efficiently, which is more frustrating than effective. Our next exercise was about
guaranteeing our results. It was awesome
to see our group come together and really work towards what seemed an
impossible obstacle. After that we did a
trust lift (which was done in silence) and then a trust fall. As mentioned before, I came to ropes course
fully intending on not doing this activity, as I have seen too many people be
dropped and I had no wish to be one of them (and let’s be honest I just have a hard time trusting people). Despite this,
I didn’t even protest when my turn came to do my trust fall. I climbed to the top of the pole. I stood there for a while, conversing
with my inner guru who said "You can do this."
Jamie, our facilitator, said, “Mailee, it’s time. You can do this.” Then I fell backwards, and they caught
me. Spencer gave me a great big kiss of which everyone was quite envious ( and to which Spencer would like me to note that he had "deviously" positioned himself in order to do so) and I just laid there knowing I had just taken a
huge step towards trusting people more fully and more openly. It felt like
freedom and relief, all at the same time.
Following that we got to state what our next big step to our goal was
(on a giant swing).
Lunch came at this point which broke very calmly into the jam packed action of the rest of the day. It was a great time for reflection, rest, and getting to know the other’s
in the group better. Lunch is over back to ropes course.
After lunch we
climbed the wall, which was frightening and awesome, all at the same time. My only note on this even is that it is amazing what our self talk does for us physically as well as psychologically. I was a support person on top of the wall, and it was really interesting to see people as we were taking them over the wall. They would be making progress and getting up, then they would say “I can’t” and following such a statement they
couldn’t. The energy just faded and their muscles no longer had the
strength. However, our last man to go
over had given about all he had at that point, and he was running on
nothing. No one was boosting him. His only support was Spencer and I sitting on
top of the wall trying to help him pull himself over. And then when he thought he couldn’t do it he
said “I can do this” and from somewhere deep
within he found the strength to get over and it was remarkable to see the
difference that that self talk made both for good and bad.
The most meaningful part of the day (for me) came next. Thus, I am dedicating a whole paragraph to it. I believe this activity is typically referred to as a "leap of faith," but I’d rather use the phrase coined by one of my favorite Wamplers
“Jump off the freaking pole.” Probably because the whole idea is to climb to the top of something roughly the size of a power pole and jump off towards a trapeze. This was a
really remarkable experience for me, as I climbed up this pole with nothing but
a harness. I was the last to go and I
was a bit unsure about the whole thing, but determined to give it my all. The climb was not terribly difficult, but at
the end of the climb I got to pull myself onto a small wooden platform (about
the size of kitchen tile) and after pulling myself onto it I was supposed to
stand up. My momentum had been carrying
me up there, but as I knelt on the platform I realized in order to stand I had
to look straight at the ground which didn't really leave any doubt about how high up I was. As I looked down I felt a panic
rise in my chest and a voice in my head
started shouting “Can I really do this.”
I collected myself and stood. The
pole was shaking, due to the fact that I was shaking. Standing alone on a small platform connected
to a telephone pole 35-40 feet off the ground, I was very afraid. Then from below I heard my facilitator say,
as he had said for no one else, “Mailee, I want you to balance and have the
pole stop shaking.” I attempted to stand
straighter, but the rope was pulling me.
I asked if they could loosen the rope at all because it was pulling
me. They told me I would have to shuffle
forward as I was at the back of the tile sized platform. I was terrified, but I obediently shuffled
forward and then I attempted to balance and stop shaking. Below Jamie, my facilitator, said “find your peace.” I breathed in deeply and cleared my mind, and an amazing thing happened. There, atop a power pole standing on a tiny platform with only enough room for
my feet, I found complete and utter peace. The pole beneath me stopped
trembling, becoming utterly still. From
below, Jamie asked “What are you jumping for?” as our jump was a representation of what we were willing to risk and work for in our lives. I replied that I was jumping
“for consistent peace and happiness in my life”. He then asked what I was giving up to get it,
to which I replied “FEAR.” Then from
below I heard him say “Jump and grab that trapeze (which was very far
away and was the physical embodiment of my purpose). At that moment I knew I wanted it,
and because I wanted it I moved forward to the very edge of the platform with no fear. I jumped, reaching for that trapeze with all my might. I didn’t catch it physically; however, as it
was just a physical manifestation of my desire, I did catch it mentally. Mentally, I grabbed that trapeze and did a
set of chin-ups followed by a very artistic jumping dismount. The person who came off that pole was not
exactly the same person that climbed it to begin with. After jumping for what I wanted and leaving my
fear behind I became someone who would no longer let fear dictate my choices or
my state of peace and happiness. It was
truly powerful! Although the most powerful part came the next day as I spent the entire day in a state of complete and utter peace. In that state I accomplished more, felt more gratitude, and got to experience a deeper love and appreciation than I had before felt for my sweet little James. I learned on top of that power pole that if I could find peace there I could find it anywhere I wanted, anytime I wanted it.
I loved ropes course,
and I loved that I got to share it with the love of my life, Spencer.
