Finding Peace 35 feet off the Ground

Tuesday Spencer and I had the awesome opportunity to go to ropes course together as part of our Power 90, which is a 90 day system Spencer and I are doing.  There were many things about it that were simply amazing!  I feel stretched, but in a way that is good and fulfilling and will lead me closer to the things I want.  Sadly, I have no pictures as no one in our group brought a camera.  Thus, I will attempt to describe the experience in such a way that makes having pictures, or the lack thereof, irrelevant   

In preparation for ropes course we were asked to find our greatest limiting belief.  I went not knowing exactly what my greatest limiting belief was.    However, when we set our intentions, at the very beginning I knew that I wanted to find a way to make the peace and joy I feel at times my norm, and I wanted to find a way to not fall back into my individual pits of despair.  I also went bound and determined not to do the trust fall, as I knew we were doing one, and I did not want to do it.  That's the preliminaries and from their the day began.

The first exercise we did was called "traffic jam" and in this activity we learned that there are three steps to solving a problem, namely: trial and error, finding patterns, and creating efficiency.  It was meaningful to me because I usually start out expecting myself to be at the third stage of doing everything efficiently, which is more frustrating than effective.  Our next exercise was about guaranteeing our results.  It was awesome to see our group come together and really work towards what seemed an impossible obstacle.  After that we did a trust lift (which was done in silence) and then a trust fall.  As mentioned before, I came to ropes course fully intending on not doing this activity, as I have seen too many people be dropped and I had no wish to be one of them (and let’s be honest I just have a hard time trusting people).  Despite this,  I didn’t even protest when my turn came to do my trust fall.  I climbed to the top of the pole.  I stood there for a while, conversing with my inner guru who said "You can do this."  Jamie, our facilitator, said, “Mailee, it’s time. You can do this.”  Then I fell backwards, and they caught me.  Spencer gave me a great big kiss of which everyone was quite envious ( and to which Spencer would like me to note that he had "deviously" positioned himself in order to do so) and I just laid there knowing I had just taken a huge step towards trusting people more fully and more openly.  It felt like freedom and relief, all at the same time.  Following that we got to state what our next big step to our goal was (on a giant swing).  

Lunch came at this point which broke very calmly into the jam packed action of the rest of the day.  It was a great time for reflection, rest, and getting to know the other’s in the group better.  Lunch is over back to ropes course.  

After lunch we climbed the wall, which was frightening and awesome, all at the same time.  My only note on this even is that it is amazing what our self talk does for us physically as well as psychologically.  I was a support person on top of the wall, and it was really interesting to see people as we were taking them over the wall.  They would be making progress and getting up, then they would say “I can’t” and following such a statement they couldn’t. The energy just faded and their muscles no longer had the strength.  However, our last man to go over had given about all he had at that point, and he was running on nothing.  No one was boosting him.  His only support was Spencer and I sitting on top of the wall trying to help him pull himself over.  And then when he thought he couldn’t do it he said “I can do this”  and from somewhere deep within he found the strength to get over and it was remarkable to see the difference that that self talk made both for good and bad.  

The most meaningful part of the day (for me) came next.  Thus, I am dedicating a whole paragraph to it.  I believe this activity is typically referred to as a "leap of faith," but I’d rather use the phrase coined by one of my favorite Wamplers “Jump off the freaking pole.”  Probably because the whole idea is to climb to the top of something roughly the size of a power pole and jump off towards a trapeze. This was a really remarkable experience for me, as I climbed up this pole with nothing but a harness.  I was the last to go and I was a bit unsure about the whole thing, but determined to give it my all.  The climb was not terribly difficult, but at the end of the climb I got to pull myself onto a small wooden platform (about the size of kitchen tile) and after pulling myself onto it I was supposed to stand up.  My momentum had been carrying me up there, but as I knelt on the platform I realized in order to stand I had to look straight at the ground which didn't really leave any doubt about how high up I was.  As I looked down I felt a panic rise  in my chest and a voice in my head started shouting “Can I really do this.”  I collected myself and stood.  The pole was shaking, due to the fact that I was shaking.  Standing alone on a small platform connected to a telephone pole 35-40 feet off the ground, I was very afraid.  Then from below I heard my facilitator say, as he had said for no one else, “Mailee, I want you to balance and have the pole stop shaking.”  I attempted to stand straighter, but the rope was pulling me.  I asked if they could loosen the rope at all because it was pulling me.  They told me I would have to shuffle forward as I was at the back of the tile sized platform.  I was terrified, but I obediently shuffled forward and then I attempted to balance and stop shaking.   Below Jamie, my facilitator, said “find your peace.”  I breathed in deeply and cleared my mind, and an amazing thing happened.  There, atop a power pole standing on a tiny platform with only enough room for my feet, I found complete and utter peace.  The pole beneath me stopped trembling, becoming utterly still.  From below, Jamie asked “What are you jumping for?” as our jump was a representation of what we were willing to risk and work for in our lives.  I replied that I was jumping “for consistent peace and happiness in my life”.  He then asked what I was giving up to get it, to which I replied “FEAR.”  Then from below I heard him say “Jump and grab that trapeze (which was very far away and was the physical embodiment of my purpose).  At that moment I knew I wanted it, and because I wanted it I moved forward to the very edge of the platform with no fear.  I jumped, reaching for that trapeze with all my might.  I didn’t catch it physically; however, as it was just a physical manifestation of my desire, I did catch it mentally.  Mentally, I grabbed that trapeze and did a set of chin-ups followed by a very artistic jumping dismount.  The person who came off that pole was not exactly the same person that climbed it to begin with.  After jumping for what I wanted and leaving my fear behind I became someone who would no longer let fear dictate my choices or my state of peace and happiness.   It was truly powerful!  Although the most powerful part came the next day as I spent the entire day in a state of complete and utter peace.  In that state I accomplished more, felt more gratitude, and got to experience a deeper love and appreciation than I had before felt for my sweet little James.  I learned on top of that power pole that if I could find peace there I could find it anywhere I wanted, anytime I wanted it.  

I loved ropes course, and I loved that I got to share it with the love of my life, Spencer.